Respond Not React When Emotions Hijack You
April 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Responding instead of reacting is a way to use emotional intelligence to control impulsive action.
Response: A consciously chosen purposeful action to a life or workplace event or situation.
Reaction: An impulsive, unconscious reaction to a life or workplace event or situation.
Button Pushing
You may be familiar with the phrase “Pushed my buttons - An expression that usually means “Someone has done something that tapped into my emotions and caused me to react.” Daniel Goleman labeled that “emotional hijack” - when your emotions take over and you react.
Fight or Flight
There’s a good reason why you react. Your elegantly designed body/mind, and in particular your emotional brain, goes to work to defend you from perceived threat by triggering your “fight or flight” response and your body readies itself to fight for your life or run. When this happens your thinking brain is temporarily disconnected and impulse rules.
Mispercieved Threat
Is it a good thing to have a part of you designed to move you to action if your life is really in danger. Of course. The problems comes with the mis-perception of threat. When you mis-perceive Change as threat, boss as threat, conflict as threat. When your fight or flight mechanism is triggered in those situations you lose your problem solving ability when you need it most.
Learn To Respond Instead
Fortunately, there’s another part of your brain, the pre-frontal cortex, that can offset the action of your emotional reaction and help you take a more rational approach to solving problems. And that part of your brain can be developed. You can build the muscle to control your impulses and respond purposefully in the moment, from unlimited options, instead of just the two - fight or flight.
What to do to practice:
1. In the morning before you start your day - remind yourself this week that you can choose to respond instead of react. Use this as a mantra to guide you through your week as you are greeted by life’s challenges.
2. Manage yourself in the moment. When you recognize yourself reacting take a few deep breaths, count to 10 and ask yourself, is there another way of looking at this situation? And, what is the best choice for me right now? How do I want to choose to be?
3. At the end of your day briefly review how you did. When were you reacting? When were you responding? What did you learn? What do you want to do differently.
Changing habits is challenging. Tune in for motivation and support plus more EQ Tips for making positive change.
Joseph Liberti
EQ At Work
May be freely distributed as long as you keep this bit: “Joseph Liberti, founder of EQ At Work, is a master EQ coach who coaches leaders and coaches to liberate authentic power and creativity using emotional intelligence. You comments and questions are welcome at http://www.eqatwork.com. For Motivation for change visit Joseph’s podcast at http://www.yesyoucan-podcast.com”
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